Abiding...

It is what it is

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Yes, I did recover although it took a few days. For some reason I've been down in the dumps for the past couple of weeks. Maybe it's the weather? Maybe it's Jeff being out of town a lot for work? Maybe it's...oh who really cares. It is what it is. That's my new favorite saying. I like it so much that I bought this recently:

I think I'm going to start wearing this everyday. If anyone questions it my reply simply will be, "It is what it is."

A sick snow day

Well the snow arrived in a big way. I was SO excited about it yesterday. I love snow days. We stocked up on wonderful things to eat, movies to watch and new sleds to ride. So imagine my disappointment when last night I woke up around 2:00 a.m. feeling like a huge alien was about to explode out of my stomach. I felt horrible. And, I still feel horrible. Really horrible. The only thing I've done since last night is run to the bathroom. I haven't gotten out of bed or even looked out my window to see how much snow there is. The schools are closed again tomorrow so I'm hoping this is a 24-hour bug. If that's the case in about 5 hours I should feel like I'm going to live. If not, in 5 hours Jeff will probably be ready to throw me out in a snow bank.

Yeah...what she said

My friend bobbie inspired me to do something this morning that I've never done. In her recent post bobbie declared that she's a good mother. She's absolutely right. Bobbie is a wonderful mother! And guess what...so am I. I really am. I have spent so much time pointing out my faults and dwelling on them that I've completely overlooked the positives that do exist. I know I've made a ton of mistakes but all in all, I've done a good job. This is the comment I left on bobbie's blog this morning:

"I hear you and I completely understand. This past weekend Jeff and I frequently found ourselves wishing we could turn back the clock as we watched families with younger children. We miss those years desperately. Parenting is different now but it's also very enjoyable. I too dreaded the thought of not being needed. But guess what...they still need me! And better yet, they want me. They want me when they need to talk to someone about a decision that needs to be made; they want me when they don't feel well; they want to talk with me when something good happens."

I AM a good mother and I've done a good job parenting despite my personal challenges. It feels good to acknowledge that and to know deep in my heart that it's true.

Finally

   

A DEVELOPING WINTER STORM WILL SPREAD SNOW INTO PENNSYLVANIA DURING THE DAY ON TUESDAY. THE STORM SHOULD TAPER OFF DURING THE DAY ON WEDNESDAY WITH SNOWFALL AMOUNTS OF 6 TO 12 INCHES POSSIBLE ACROSS NORTHERN PENNSYLVANIA.

Today's (2/13) update:

STORM TOTAL SNOWFALL OF 16 TO 22 INCHES ARE LIKELY WITH SOME AREAS OF NORTH CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA...EAST OF COUDERSPORT (That's me!!) POSSIBLY SEEING IN EXCESS OF 2 FEET.

All I can say is, "It's about time!" (*smile*)

My sweet, sweet husband and his not so sweet wife

Jeff and I are heading out of town this weekend to do a little early Valentine's Day celebrating. For me that means shopping for Jeff it means...well, something else. Today during lunch we were discussing Valentine's Day. The conversation went like this:

Me: It's nice that we'll be able to celebrate Valentine's Day early.

Jeff: I agree but I still think I'm going to do something special for you on the 14th.

Me: Ahhh...that's sweet. I think I'll do something special for you too. Next Wednesday instead of cleaning all three bathrooms, you only need to clean one.

And you all thought I was nice.

Powerful powerlessness

The topic at my Tuesday night meeting was "powerlessness". There was a time when I cringed whenever that topic was discussed. When I first entered recovery, I struggled with the idea of powerlessness for many months. The first step says:

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.”

I absolutely hated the idea of being powerless. I gave lip service to the idea but never really accepted it. Finally, one day last April I completely understood just how powerless I was over alcohol. My oh my, how much easier life has become.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why it was so hard to reach that point of acceptance. I think it has something to do with being a person of extremes. I hate to admit it but I can be very black and white in my thinking, particularly when dealing with myself. As a result I spent a lot of time thinking that if I admitted I was powerless, I would then be COMPLETELY powerless over EVERYTHING. I worried that I would end up as a drooling pile of flesh rotting in some dark, hidden corner. The ironic thing is that what I feared becoming, I already was. My drinking rendered me powerless. I was a slave to it. There were many times when I actually was a drooling pile of flesh rotting in the corner. It impacted every aspect of my life, leaving me with no choices and no power. Being able to finally realize and admit my powerlessness over alcohol was the first step toward becoming powerful. I now have choices and I can make decisions. There’s so much more to my life than drinking. I truly feel empowered to live life to the fullest. Please don’t misunderstand me, I fully comprehend that I am completely powerless over alcohol and I always will be. And, I’m learning that there are many other things over which I have no power. For instance I have no power over other people. (That’s a tough one to swallow at times). Once again, the serenity prayer is key here…”the wisdom to know the difference”.

I guess this post can be summed up in the following two sentences:

1. The person I feared becoming, I already was.

2. Admitting and accepting that I am powerless has empowered me in amazing ways.

Jeff and Deb's excellent sledding adventure

I often complain about winter...the cold, the snow, the ice. However, I wasn't complaining at all this weekend. Instead, I was having a ton of fun doing something I've been wanting to do for a very long time. On Saturday Jeff and I spent several hours outdoors playing like kids. We were fortunate to have a few other overgrown kids with us. Here are a couple short videos of our adventure. The quality is poor because they were taken with my camera. I wish I would have had the video camera on hand.

After many trips down the hill we all went inside to get warmed up and eat a little chili. It wasn't long before our age started to show. You know you're getting old when the life of the party is the person passing this around the table.