Abiding...

Things that go bump in my mouth

I've been on pins and needles over the past couple of weeks. Pins and needles are kind of what started the whole thing. A couple of months ago I noticed this bump, lump, growth (it's been called a number of things) on my tongue that wouldn't go away. I didn't think much of it until one day I decided to do a little research online. After ten minutes of internet surfing I was terrified. I called the doctor immediately and made an appointment for the next day. I was convinced he was going to look in my mouth and say, "What...that? That ugly little thing? That's nothing. Get out of here and stop wasting my time!" That's not exactly how it went. Not even close. Instead  he looked in my mouth and said, "Ohhh. Hmmm. That's very suspicious looking.  You need to see a surgeon right away."

That was a Monday. On Tuesday I saw the surgeon who also said, "Ohhh. Hmmm. That looks suspicious". I hate that "suspicious" word. Instead of doing a biopsy the surgeon wanted to remove it that day. In the office. While I was awake. Everyone say, "OUCH". Once my tongue was numb it wasn't too bad except for the stitching . The doctor used what looked like the same hook and line one would use to catch fish. I now feel very connected to the fish of the world.

Once a huge piece of flesh was carved out of my tongue the procedure was over the tissue was sent away to the pathology department at Temple University. That was on January  15th. I was told the results would take a couple of weeks. The past two weeks have been very, very long weeks. Oral cancer is  a particularly horrible cancer. It spreads quickly to the lymph nodes, throat and lungs. The 5 year survival rate is dismal. Not fun stuff to think about so, I tried not to think about it. I was moderately successful. Except in the middle of the night, when everything that goes "bump" is much worse.

I received the results yesterday. I have "Leukokeratosis, Hereditary Mucosal Disease." It's a genetic disorder that according to the National Institute of Health is very rare (less than 200,000 cases nationwide) I've always had a problem developing keloids (an overgrowth of tissue whenever I'm cut in any way). Apparently I have some mutation in the gene for Keratin 4. Sounds interesting but it's really not. And, it's no big deal. I'm perfectly fine. I may end up needing to have future growths removed but I'll take that any day over cancer.

So it looks like I'll be abiding a bit longer. Whew...

Blown away...literally

I was literally blown off my feet this morning. Wind is impressive but I want a BIG, HUGE snow storm. We haven't had a good one all winter and I'm feeling deprived.

I think I'm going to take the afternoon off and spend time doing my snow dance.

Even when I'm an idiot...

Over the past few years I have relaxed about a lot of things.  I used to be one up-tight person. It's been a very welcomed relief to be able to gear things down a notch or two. There is however one area where I still tend to be a wound a little tight. That area is having a clean house. I like things to be clean and orderly. I just function better that way. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I do tend to become a little abnormal though when it comes to having people over to my house. I want things to be exceptionally clean when I know I'm getting company. I'd like to get past this because it makes it hard to actually enjoy company when you're so consumed with having things perfect. I'm working on it. Unfortunately something happened this weekend that has negated any success I've made in this area. Allow me to share the details:

I have a very good memory. I seldom forget things...especially when it involves someone relying on me. I have a group of friends who I greatly enjoy spending time with. Once a month we get together for "movie night". Last month I volunteered to host the January get-together. Someone else was coordinating the details via email. There was a lot of back and forth communication about the time, the food, the directions, etc. In my mind, movie night was the last Saturday in January which is next weekend. Right? The 26th of January. NEXT Saturday night. Clear as can be. WRONG. Jeff and I went to the mall on Saturday. We saw the movie Juno (which was wonderful!) and then did some shopping. I was standing in the middle of my favorite store when my son called. Jeff answered the phone and immediately appeared to be confused. He looked at me and said, "Movie night!” I said, "No, no...That’s next weekend". He said, "Well, there are people at the house right now." It was like time stood still. All of a sudden I realized that I was wrong. The 26th was that day. There were people at my house and not only did I not spending hours and hours cleaning, I wasn't even there. I was an hour away. The house was actually in very good shape but I was still in a panic. I couldn't believe I had been so WRONG. So very, very wrong.

The night ended up working out fine. This is why I like this group of people so much. They are wonderfully kind and exceptionally forgiving. They simply moved the party to someone else's home. Jeff and I flew back to Wellsboro and picked up a lot of food to offer as a peace offering...not that it was needed; it simply helped me feel a little better. They have even agreed to give me another chance to host next month. Imagine that!

I'm not sure what this whole debacle says about me. Maybe I'm getting old and my memory is going? Maybe I didn't want to admit that my son turned 21 on the 21st of January so in my mind the 21st hadn't happened yet? What's more likely is that I needed to be reminded that people can actually like me even when I'm an idiot.

Fortune Friday

I like Chinese food. I realize it's not the healthiest option but...well, it's good. Mu Shu Pork (my favorite) actually isn't that bad calorie wise. It's mostly cabbage and how fattening can cabbage be? The Fortune Cookies are always a fun part of the meal. My last few fortune cookies have been particularly good. I tend to save the little pieces of paper with my "fortunes" on them only to lose them later. In order to remember the good ones I thought I'd write them here. After all, just about every other aspect of my life has been documented here. Why not add silly little fortune cookies to the list? Here are a couple recent ones:

This one is good for me because I am not good about calling people. What usually happens is that I don't call someone for a while and then I convince myself that I'm in some kind of trouble. Or, that the person is going to be so angry with me that they won't want to talk to me. I know...very childish. Usually, when I finally do place that call the other person is grateful and appreciative. Not always, but usually. That's why this cookie is a keeper for me.

Here's one I received last night:

This year I want to embrace simplicity. When I look around I can't help but realize how much I have. I don't need more. I need to enjoy what I have.

I think I'll try to make Fridays, "Fortune Fridays". I have a good supply to get things going. Once they run out, I'll just have to suffer and eat Mu Shu Pork once a week.

I'm on a roll!

Two posts in two days. Wonders really never do cease. Now for an update:

The holidays were absolutely wonderful. All of the kids were home. Jeff and I took two weeks off from work. It just couldn't have been any better. We did a whole lot of nothing which was great. There was a day when doing nothing was not possible for me. I had to have an unrealistic list (or two or three)of things that had to be accomplished each day so I'd have something to beat myself up over at the end of the day. This was a list free vacation and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I'm on to something!

I've been enjoying running, exercising, and cooking. I just purchased this and it's kicking my butt big time:

I'm hoping to do a triathlon this summer with Jeff. Hopefully I'll be able to move by then. Right now my muscles are revolting. I'm in fairly good shape but this P90X...it should come with a huge bottle of Advil.

Let's see...what else? My oldest son turned 21 this week. I found that to be both a joyful and painful occasion. He's became such a great young man. That's the joyful part. The pain part...one can't be a man and and a little boy at the same time. (I know that point could be argued!) In two years, all four of my children will be in their 20's. I know I've whined a lot here about the fact that my children are growing up. Don't expect it to stop anytime soon. (The whining that is, not the growing up.)

I suppose I shouldn't over do it. I need to gently work my way back into this blogging thing. It does feel good to be back.

All is well

Just a quick post to let you know that everything is fine here. Sorry for the long absence. I'm not sure what it was about. I simply felt like I didn't have anything to say. For those of you who know me, I'm sure you're thinking how odd...Deb with nothing to say? I have a tendency to avoid things for strange reasons. I place expectations on myself and then when I don't meet them, I feel as if I'm going to be in trouble. So, I shift into avoidance mode. I think I've been doing that with blogging. How ridiculous? And weird. And so very unnecessary. There, I got that off my chest.

So I'm back. I've missed everyone. I'll try to give a better update in my next post.