Abiding...

Enjoying the ride

Jeff and I are spending a few days relaxing with my in-laws at their summer home. I knew I had blogged about this place a couple of times. I was surprised to have to go back four years to find the very first post. Four years of blogging...we've been through a lot together haven't we? I must admit that even though there are times when I'm sad about my children growing up, in general I'm very content with where I am in life. I'm a much different person than the person who sat down and typed her first blog post in June of 2004. I'm not sure why I'm in a reminiscing mood tonight. Maybe it's because tomorrow is September 1st which means the season are about to change. Even though today was a wonderful sunny summer day, when the wind blew I could feel fall in the air. Or maybe it's because I like to spend time each day reflecting on what is good instead of allowing my mind to ruminate on thoughts that are worrisome, troubling or shameful. Or maybe there's simply no reason at all. It's nice to be able to sit back and enjoy the ride without constantly feeling the need to dig for the deeper meaning to everything. So that's what I'm going to do tonight and tomorrow...sit back, spend some on the rocks and in the water and simply enjoy the ride.

P.S. Happy Labor Day to my friends here in the U.S

Never again

School started today here in my town. Yesterday I was feeling pretty good about not having to do all those "day before school starts" things. Last night was just like most other nights and this morning was like most other mornings. Everything about this day was fairly usual until 3:00 p.m. That's when I was running a few errands around town and saw all the kids walking home from school. The little ones were so cute with their brand new clothes and their backpacks that weighed as much as they did. The older kids were laughing and talking with each other, looking like they were having a good time even though the night before I'm sure they were bemoaning the fact that summer vacation was over. As I sat at a red light watching this parade of big and little children, tears began to fall. For the first time it hit me that I'll never again have kids running in the house to tell me about their first day back at school. There will be no more stories of homerooms, lockers, friends and bad cafeteria food. There will be no more stacks of forms to fill out and sign, nor will there be lunches to pack or laundry to do so the right pair of jeans will be clean for tomorrow. Never again. No more homecomings, football games, chorus concerts or parent-teacher conferences. I'll never again have to drive to the school in the middle of the day to pick up a sick kid or drop off a forgotten lunch box. Never again. Some of this should make me happy or even relieved. It may, but not today. Today I feel like a huge part of me is missing. Never again will it be like it was.

Actually, to be exact...

Last week was Jeff's birthday. Last Tuesday to be exact. Unfortunately he wasn't home on his birthday. Jeff works as an engineer for Time Warner, Inc. (A Principal Engineer, to be exact). His office is a couple of states away from here. Virginia to be exact. He's able to work from home a lot of the time however, some weeks he needs to be in his office. His exact office which is different than his un-exact home office. Exactly. We decided to postpone the celebration of his birthday (his 45th birthday to be exact) until this past weekend. For quite some time Jeff has wanted a smoker. There's a restaurant in Herndon (the exact city in Virginia where he works) that serves Texas Sliced Beef Brisket. Ok so the restaurant is actually in Chantilly, Virginia but whose keep tracking. Jeff loves their brisket. They prepare it by smoking it; hence Jeff's desire to have a smoker. So for his birthday I bought him a...you guessed it, a new drill. Just kidding. Actually, I bought him a smoker. Saying that "I bought" Jeff a smoker may be a little bit of an exaggeration. He actually bought it for himself. You see, we live 50 miles from the nearest mall. (Hey, we all have our crosses to carry.) There are a ton of malls in and near Herndon so it just made sense for him to pick up (and pay for) his birthday present. I'll tell you what, this house has been smokin' ever since. In the past 24-hours Jeff has smoked ribs, a chicken and a large brisket. I'll have to admit it has all been yummy. There is one little problem though. We simply can't eat this amount of food. We'll both weigh exactly 300 pounds and that's just not ok. So, if you happen to be in the neighborhood please stop by. We'll smoke some good stuff. Some very yummy, very legal good stuff. Exactly.

I think I have a problem

This is getting a little out of control. Look what found its way into my grocery cart last night.

Chocolate Lucky Charms! I need a support group.

Yerba Yucka

We're back from vacation. Sigh. Heavy sigh. When I decided to attempt to blog everyday in August, I failed to factor in vacation. Oh well...I tried.

My older sons decided to come home for a week before starting classes again. I love having them home. I enjoy the activity, the extra cooking, the additional loads of laundry, the friends coming and going, and the conversations we have. There is one thing however that I don't particularly enjoy. This "thing" has been showing up at the house every time they've come home over the past several months. This is what I'm referring to:

Are you familiar with this Yerba stuff? I can't stand it. It's suppose to be very good for you. Jordan and Ben tell me that drinking it would; help me sleep better, improve my memory, give me more energy, and help aid digestion, just to name a few. They've been after me for months to give it a try. I finally conceded and took a sip yesterday. The outcome my kids were hoping for did not occur. After tasting it I disliked it even more. My two biggest complaints are:

1. It makes a mess. A huge mess. When the boys are home my counters are constantly adorned with this :

This is a French Press full of Yerba. This is only one small part of the Yerba drinking ritual. Other items found in the kitchen include; large bowls, cheese cloth, a blender and what can only be described as dirt, twigs and hay. The last three items (dirt, twigs and hay) are usually found in multiple places including but not limited to the counter, sink and floor. Like I said, it's messy.

2. It taste like, well...DIRT, TWIGS, and HAY. The reason for this uniquely disturbing taste is because Yerba is basically ground up dirt, twigs and hay or at least stuff that looks like dirt, twigs and hay. One little sip produced gags of enormous nature. It was horrible.

Next week I'll surely miss having the kids around. After they leave I usually walk around the house feeling lost. I often go sit in their rooms for a little while and wish they were sitting there with me. Next week when I miss them I'm simply going to go out in the back yard and eat some dirt. I may even sprinkle a little bit of it on the counter if I'm really feeling lonely.

Heavenly sunshine

Life at the beach continues to be heavenly. The sun, the sand, the water...I love it all. Two of my sons were able to come along and that has made the trip all the more enjoyable. My brother and his family were here for a couple of days as well. We had a blast with them. They have two little girls who I absolutely adore. Being able to have some "little ones" along was very nice. Here are a few pictures from the past three days:

My new friend

My very cute nieces

Jeff trying to see his Blackberry

Ben doing a little body surfing

The most adorable little girl who I fell in love with

 
I'll try to get back to some "real" posting soon. Right now my brain just doesn't want to think too hard and believe me, you have no idea what a welcomed relief that is.

Booze free beach

So this morning as I walked to the beach it dawned on me that this was the first time I've been to the beach since I got sober. I can't believe I hadn't thought about that before this morning. When the thought first entered my mind I experienced a little bit of panic. I'm not sure why...I guess because I hadn't planned this out. I realize to most people it would seem as if there's nothing that needs to planned. What can be so tough? You simply go to the beach and drink soda or water right? Well guess what. It WAS that simple. My first instinct was to make things very complicated but I didn't need to. I went to the beach, I drank water, I swam, I sunbathed, I drank more water, swam some more, sunbathed some more...you get the idea. Before I would have been so consumed with wanting to drink that I probably wouldn't have made it out of my chair much. I had SO much fun swimming. It was great. I don't want to imply that planning is a bad thing. I know that once I become too self-assured is just the time I'll have a problem. I learned that the hard way a couple of years ago.

Today was a good day. A very good day and I couldn't be more thankful!

It's raining, it's pouring

We're in Atlantic City. It's pouring. I'm thinking positive things about tomorrow's weather. My internet connection is pretty lousy so I'm attempting to post from my BlackBerry. It sounds like I'm whining doesn't it. Well, I guess I am. Sorry about that.

Beach bound

Today has been a whirlwind of cleaning, shopping, and packing. Tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. (which most likely means 9:00 a.m.) we'll jump in the car and head here:

I absolutely love the beach. I've always found it to be relaxing and healing. Usually the night before a vacation I'm thinking, "Why in the world are we doing this. Getting ready to go is so much work. I wish we were staying home."  This time it's different. Maybe it's because I'm different. All I know is that I'm really looking forward to going.

More tomorrow from the beach. Did I mention that I can't wait to go?

They're magically delicious

If you were to come to my house and go through my refrigerator and pantry, you would swear that my husband and I were both in our 90s. In the refrigerator you'd see things like yogurt, cottage cheese, soy milk, and kefir. The pantry is full of brown rice, oatmeal, All Bran, Kashi, beans and other high fiber items. Pretty boring stuff. It's obvious that small children do not live here.

Last weekend two of my sons were home. They went grocery shopping with my husband and returned with a gigantic box of Lucky Charms. I don't think I've ever seen a box of cereal that big. Over the course of the weekend one bowl was consumed by one of the kids which means we were left with a lot of Lucky Charms. I had no idea what we were going to do with the cereal. There was no way I was going to eat them and I was fairly confident Jeff had no interest either.

This morning I went out for my usual run and the entire time I was running I could think of nothing but Lucky Charms. I was consumed with those magically delicious frosted oats and colored marshmallows. I could have sworn I saw a little green leprechaun running a head of me in the distance. (Ok so that part isn't true.) As I headed back to the house I convinced myself that I would have whole wheat toast or a bowl of bran cereal for breakfast. I walked in the door I headed straight for the pantry. I reached right past the bran cereal and grabbed that big old box of Lucky Charms. Oh my..were they tastey! Very, very tastey. I need to get the rest of the box out of the house today because I think I'm headed for trouble. I may need to establish the first ever LCA group. (Lucky Charms Anonymous).

Tomorrow, it's back to boring for me.