Abiding...

21-year-old wisdom

My oldest son, Ben, turned 21 a couple of weeks ago which technically means he is now an adult. One would assume that with each year of growth would come more wisdom and common sense. Right? Apparently not. Last week, in a conversation with Ben he informed me that he was fairly confident he was going to need to quit his part-time (12 hours per week) job. This is the job that provides him with extra spending money for the things 21-year-olds spend money on. And no, I don't want to think about what those "things" are. Before he got this job I received frequent phone calls kindly asking me if I would please put some money in his bank account. This happened with such frequency that when I walked in the bank all the tellers immediately assumed I was there to transfer money from my account to Ben's account. Over the course of last week's conversation I asked Ben some questions such as;

"You work Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday right?"

"You DON'T have classes on Tuesday, Thursday or Sunday right?"

I suggested that some time management skills may possibly be needed. He suggested it was more an issue of circadian rhythms or his biological clock. He studies best from 6:00 p.m. until 2:00 a.m.. Working from 4:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. just takes too big a chunk out of that time block. I assured him that I understood. I also assured him with a little work his biological clock could be adjusted. He didn't think that was possible. His solution?

"I was thinking that maybe you could take out a loan to cover my living expenses. A lot of people down here live off of loans."

Oh silly, silly child. I immediately told him the six figure amount that we have already borrowed to help cover college expenses for he and his siblings. His response was,

"Oh. My. Wow."

Ben missed some of last night's Super Bowl. He was working.

I'm on a roll!

Two posts in two days. Wonders really never do cease. Now for an update:

The holidays were absolutely wonderful. All of the kids were home. Jeff and I took two weeks off from work. It just couldn't have been any better. We did a whole lot of nothing which was great. There was a day when doing nothing was not possible for me. I had to have an unrealistic list (or two or three)of things that had to be accomplished each day so I'd have something to beat myself up over at the end of the day. This was a list free vacation and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I'm on to something!

I've been enjoying running, exercising, and cooking. I just purchased this and it's kicking my butt big time:

I'm hoping to do a triathlon this summer with Jeff. Hopefully I'll be able to move by then. Right now my muscles are revolting. I'm in fairly good shape but this P90X...it should come with a huge bottle of Advil.

Let's see...what else? My oldest son turned 21 this week. I found that to be both a joyful and painful occasion. He's became such a great young man. That's the joyful part. The pain part...one can't be a man and and a little boy at the same time. (I know that point could be argued!) In two years, all four of my children will be in their 20's. I know I've whined a lot here about the fact that my children are growing up. Don't expect it to stop anytime soon. (The whining that is, not the growing up.)

I suppose I shouldn't over do it. I need to gently work my way back into this blogging thing. It does feel good to be back.

A childless stupor

For the past few weeks I've been having a very hard time figuring out how to be a mom with grown-up kids. I feel kind of lost. I spend a lot of time walking around the house in a bit of a stupor (an alcohol free stupor that is!) For so many years our house was filled with constant activity which at times could be slightly overwhelming. Now I long for it. I'm REALLY looking forward to the holidays. The kids are coming home this weekend and I can't wait!! Dirty dishes, laundry, cooking, tons of kids running in and out. Bring it on. I'm so ready.

Sad...

My grandmother died this morning. She was 92 and had been in a nursing home for several years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease many years ago. The disease had progressed to the point that she could no longer identified anyone. Even though we were strangers to her, she always seemed happy to see us. I didn't see her as much as I should have. Of course today I'm wishing I had gone more often. She was in my hometown, a couple of hours away. Two weeks ago I drove over to see her. I'll never forget what are now her last words spoken to me. When I arrived she was sleeping. My brother and mother were with me. My brother joked about one visit actually being equivalent to five visits because each time she opened her eyes it was like we had just arrived. Before we left I stood beside her bed as she looked up and asked me who I was. I told her that I was her granddaughter. She thought for a moment and then said with a smile, "I guess that makes me one lucky Grandma." If I could say one more thing to her today it would be that I am the lucky one...lucky to have a Grandma who loved me the way she did.

I will miss her...

 

My daughter...she's pretty cute!

The pecan incident

This past weekend we traveled to Lancaster for the day to visit our son Jordan who had flown from Clemson to Pennsylvania to visit his girlfriend who attends Elizabethtown College. We had a great day with the exception of about 15 minutes when Jeff almost killed us on our way to the restaurant where we were meeting for dinner. You see, Jeff loves pecans. A lot. In the car was a brand new can of pecans that Jeff was enjoying. He was enjoying them so much that he forgot watching the road was an important task when driving. When he finally saw his way clear of the pecan euphoria, he realized that we were going to drive through a red light. What transpired next involved screeching tires and me grabbing the pecans and throwing them in the back of the car. That was followed by a few minutes of less than happy conversation. But, once it was over, it was over. We've come along way in our relationship! The remainder of our day was wonderful.

Yesterday Jeff was talking to his mother on the phone. She's convinced that we are still in a deep state of mourning over our children growing up and leaving home. We are sad, there's no doubt about that. But, we're really handling it quite well. Jeff told his mother about Saturday's little pecan incident because by this point he saw the humor in it. She said, "Do you think the underlying stress and sadness of having the kids gone led to the disagreement?" Jeff quickly directed the question to me and said, "So Deb, do you think the underlying stress and sadness of having the kids gone led to our little pecan incident yesterday?" Without thinking I said, "No. You were being an ass and almost drove through a red light, that's what led to the pecan incident."

Like I said, we've come a long way in our relationship.

Lions and Tigers, Oh my!

If football is any indicator of a college's excellence, then it appears that my sons have made superb choices!

Penn State  59 - Florida International 0 (September 1, 2007)

Clemson University  24 - Florida State - 18 (September 3, 2007)

     Go Lions and Tigers!

 

Oh what a difference an hour can make

Sorry for the long silence. Life has been hectic. Here's the quick overview:

Just in case you've missed something, Ben and Jordan (our two oldest boys) were all set to attend Clemson University. We rented an apartment, made all the arrangements for financial aid, and did all the other things that are involved in moving two kids 13-hours away. Our plan was to leave at noon on Saturday, August 18th. Because we're always running late, at noon we were still loading the trailer with their belongings. Had we left at noon we wouldn't have known what the mailman delivered that day until Jeff and I returned home a week later. In the mail was a large envelope from Penn State University addressed to Ben. On the outside of the envelope was the word, "Congratulations". Ben has wanted to attend Penn State - Main Campus for a while now. He applied to their Physics program at the same time he applied to Clemson's Physics program. Clemson informed him within one week after applying that he had been accepted. Ben called PSU all summer and was continually told that no decision had been made. Once August rolled around we decided that PSU must be out of the picture. WRONG. Jeff and I actually contemplated (for about 15 seconds) not giving Ben the letter. There was no way we could do that. Ben was floating on air after reading the letter. Jeff and I were sinking into the pits of hell trying to figure things out very quickly. (Okay that's a little bit of an exaggeration. We were sufficiently overwhelmed however.) We decided to head to South Carolina and figure things out there. Long story short, Ben was willing to go to Clemson but he made it clear that PSU was where his heart would be. He was very respectful and willing to do whatever we wanted him to do. We wanted him to be happy so we agreed to do everything we could to pull things together for PSU. But, that meant leaving Jordan alone in a 2 bedroom/2bathroom apartment. Enter Jacob, son number three. Jacob is a high school senior who is doing his schooling online. Jacob is now residing in Clemson, South Carolina with his brother. With a lot of prayer and hours of work we were able to pull things together for Ben to attend PSU. We moved him into an apartment this past Saturday. Finding an apartment in State College, Pennsylvania was no small task. I'm still amazed that it all came together. Although, all of this means that I now have three sons who are not living at home. 

So now my house is quiet. Very quiet. Sam (our daughter) is there but she's quiet. Very quiet. She started her senior year of high school yesterday. If you have a kid or two you'd like to part with, send them my way.

I take it back

Now that time is approaching for my two oldest sons to return to college for the fall semester, I take back what I said in the last post. I SO don't want them to leave. I don't think I've updated at all about Clemson since our first visit there. Both Ben and Jordan were accepted to Clemson as transfer students. They will begin classes on August 22nd. There was no available on-campus housing so we've located an apartment a couple of miles from the university. It's always hard to have them leave after they've been home but this time will be even more difficult. They will be 750 miles from home. I know that's better than several thousand miles away but still...it takes 13 hours to drive there. They will most likely fly home a couple of times during the semester for a long weekend. And then there's Christmas break which will be almost a month long. If I look at it that way I can feel pretty good about it. I'll end up seeing them about as much as I did when they were only a couple of hours away. But, that's not how I'm looking at it. What if they need something? What if they get sick? My "what ifs" make up a long list with each one being followed by, "and I'm 13-hours away?" In my head I know they will be fine. In my heart I'm not so sure I'll be fine. I love them more than words can express and despite my last post, I greatly enjoy spending time with them.

I'm going to spend the next week telling myself that everything will be fine. And then on August 22nd I'll spend 13-hours leaving a trail of tears 750 miles long. Do me a favor, next summer when I complain about the level of activity at my house, remind me of this post.   

They were right

I've struggled a lot in the past with worries regarding my parenting. I know that's nothing abnormal...most parents go through the very same thing. I remember being pregnant the first time and thinking, "how will I ever do this?" I had no idea how to be a parent. People would tell me not to worry because in no time at all I would feel as if I'd been parenting forever. I thought they were crazy but they were right.

When it came time to send our oldest off to college, I was a mess. "How would I ever be able to let go?" "How would he manage without me?" People would tell me not to worry because in no time at all I would realize that he was fine and that having him leave home was a very good thing for both of us. I thought they were crazy but they were right.

When our second son left for college I was sad. My nest was getting emptier. "What will I do once they're all gone?" "How will I occupy my time?" People told me not to worry because the day would come when even though I would continue to love them dearly, I would actually look forward to them returning to college for the fall semester. I thought they were crazy but guess what? Last week when I couldn't sleep due to the constant flow of young adults through my house I finally realized that...

THEY WERE RIGHT!